Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
