Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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