apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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