Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
