Screwed.edu
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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