i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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