I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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