could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
worst night to have a conscience
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
