Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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