Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
