it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
