I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
