Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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