my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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