never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
