We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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