go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
