youre lurking in front of me
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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