That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
