I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
