Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
