So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
