Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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