Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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