yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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