My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
