If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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