just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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