I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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