Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
