well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
