two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
