Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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