thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
