Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
