I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
