Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
