The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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