Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
