my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
