My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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