I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
