Come see our sink grown plant.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
