They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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