I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
