Yo dont text me then not text me
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
