I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
