Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
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i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
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Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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