This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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