He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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