He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
