the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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