I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
