4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
