I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
be right there i have to get my cape
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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