i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
