My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you inspire me to be a worse person
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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