i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
