i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
