I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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