Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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