Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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