Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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