I want to walk on stilts...naked
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
