Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
