remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
