I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
