Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
